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Binky & JP took on Louise & Ryan in the race to stage MIC’s first wedding -even though the phrase ‘happy couple’ had never been uttered during 13 series of Made In Chelsea, by Jim Shelley

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Happy Birthday Made In Chelsea ! Six years old ! Quite shocking it’s true, but this is how long the show has been with us now, not to mention also the average mental age of the cast.

Yes it was in this week back in 2011 that God and some crazed genius at E4 added to life’s rich tapestry by giving us our first experience of MIC.

13 series later, amazingly Made In Chelsea has still never had a wedding – not even an arranged marriage.

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Making it a first? Made In Chelsea has still never had a wedding – not even an arranged marriage

After 154 episodes of fake dates and characters ‘hooking up’ with one another, the concept of ‘the happy couple’ literally does not exist.

If a relationship lasts four weeks on Made In Chelsea it merits a new form of anniversary. If one year is ‘Paper’ and two is ‘Cotton’, then a month on MIC should surely be celebrated as ‘Plastic.’

Purely by the law of averages it confirms anyone appearing on the show is cursed.

Despite this, this week there were definite hints that the race to be the first couple to make it up the aisle and scoop all that publicity was under way.

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Could it be Binky and JP? Purely by coincidence the two lead contenders were the most high profile female cast members, Binky Felstead and Louise Thompson

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Purely by coincidence the two lead contenders were the most high profile female cast members, Binky Felstead and Louise Thompson. No, not to each other (unfortunately)…

They were in danger of being forever lumbered with the two biggest control freaks it has ever had: Binky’s pompous bore JP and Ryan, a buffoon who looks like one of the Rice Krispie kids on steroids.

Admittedly even here the sound of wedding bells was somewhat dim and distant – much like the look in the new girl Daisy’s eyes is all the time.

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JP and I both said we’re not going to get back together just for this baby,’ Binky, as we know, is expecting JP’s baby

Binky, as we know, is expecting JP’s baby.

Whether this joyful news has reunited them though was hard to say. Not just for us. Even Binky didn’t seem quite sure.

‘JP and I both said we’re not going to get back together just for this baby,’ Binky cooed quite dreamily. ‘In the back of my mind I was praying that we would though and slowly it’s getting there.’

So far so good…

‘Obviously, don’t get me wrong, we do want to kill each other sometimes,’ she shrugged as if this was basically nothing. ‘But it’s a really different relationship to what it was before.’

’You guys are totally, like, together and in love !’ Stephanie ‘Don’t Call Me Pratty’ Pratt trilled. An interesting interpretation of ‘killing each other.’

‘If I saw you from afar I would think you guys were married and this baby was planned.’

How good a judge Stephanie is though was debatable.

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When Binky announced that she and JP had been at the hospital where she was going to give birth ‘and they showed us round the theatre’, poor old Steph gasped in amazement: ‘there’s a theatre?!’

When Binky announced that she and JP had been at the hospital where she was going to give birth ‘and they showed us round the theatre’, poor old Steph gasped in amazement: ‘there’s a theatre?!’

Yes and a cinema, a bowling alley, and an ice skating rink…

Binky’s chances of being taken up the aisle, as usual, faced one problem: JP.

As he confirmed when he expressed his ‘feelings’ towards moving things forward with Binky, he wasn’t exactly the Milk Tray Man.

‘I am intending on having a nice conversation with Binky,’ he droned.

Don’t overdo it. Still, he managed to drop ‘the L bomb.’

‘You know how much I love you,’ he told her. ‘I know I’m really, really, really, rubbish.’

At least this much was true.

‘I’ve got a little thing for you,’ he stuttered probably not for the first time, and presenting her with a ‘family tree’ lovingly crafted by him – or someone in the production staff.

At this rate, our chances of Binky getting something rounder and more golden might take several more series yet.

Even JP seemed more interested in the possibility that Louise and Ryan might be about to exchange rings.

‘Hi’ve hactually just got back from Pair-is !’ shouted Louise, trying to sound as posh as the other gals.

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Happy Birthday Made In Chelsea ! Six years old ! Quite shocking it’s true, but this is how long the show has been with us now, not to mention also the average mental age of the cast

In their hotel room, her eagle eyes had immediately spotted that Ryan’s luggage included ‘a jewel-rair borx.’

‘It dis-app-aired the night we went hout for dinn-air !’ she continued. ‘I honest-lair thought: ‘Ho my God!’

The restaurant was one of the most exclusive in all of Paris where they both tried snails.

‘But they weren’t the Lidl ones,’ Louise recounted to the others. ‘They were fat ones – where you had to eat the antenn-air.’

‘Are you engaged?’ gulped an obviously worried Ollie.

‘Your faces !’ guffawed Louise, not realising their expression was one of horror at the idea.

‘If Ryan had proposed would you have said yes?’ asked JP.

Would Louise Thompson have accepted a free diamond ring? Let’s think…

‘I would have bee-heen so-ho hem-barrassed if he had proposed in front of hall people in the rest-whore-ront,’ Louise blushed (or tried to).

Not as embarrassed as we would…

‘I think Ryan will propose !’ concluded this show’s expert on romance – Stephanie Pratt.

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‘Louise would have said Yes if you had asked her to marry you,’ the boys told Ryan

Ryan’s reaction to the news that Louise had got over-excited by his box frankly suggested otherwise. JP and Ollie filled Ryan in on Louise’s version of events – and the way she had genuinely thought he was going to go down on one knee (or two).

‘Louise would have said Yes if you had asked her to marry you,’ JP told him.

‘Bulls**t ! For f**k sake boys !’ spluttered Ryan.

And they say romance is dead…

‘You’ve always been the Coolest Cat since the day I’ve met you but this is the first time I’ve seen you shake!’ JP gasped in amazement.

The fact that Ryan was JP’s idea of ‘cool’ said it all.

‘I am shaking !’ trembled Ryan. ‘I’ve got goosebumps ! It’s heart-warming but, um, I don’t have a ring up my sleeve.’

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‘You’ve always been the Coolest Cat since the day I’ve met you but this is the first time I’ve seen you shake!’ JP gasped in amazement as the boys looked on

‘So did you enjoy your weekend in Paris?’ he mentioned to Louise back at home causally (or as casually as something that was in the script.)

‘OK yah !’ confirmed Louise.

‘Was it everything that you’d hoped?’ he mused.

‘OK yah !’

Ryan probed her some more (not like that), teasing her by asking if it was true that she had thought he was going to ‘hask him to marr-air him.’

‘Honest-lair it was ho-nly for about twent-air minutes,’ she hadmitted. ‘In hindsight it worz the borx with your-haw cufflinks.’

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‘Did you think I was going to propose’? Ryan queried whether Louise thought they may get engaged in Paris

A natural mistake – at least on this show.

Still it seemed to work. Ryan put aside his earlier horror and declared ‘I think that marriage is inevitable for us !’

It must be in the script.

‘JP did say that you’d say ‘yes’ !’ Ryan preened, giggling wildly and stroking his huge plastic-looking cartoon chin like a smug version of The Joker and proving that even when he laughed he was unbearable.

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‘JP did say that you’d say ‘yes’ !’He obviously found the idea that he could love anyone more than he adored himself as hilarious as we did
Source: www.dailymail.co.uk

 

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